Friday, December 30, 2011

Hello, you might not have noticed but I'm fat.

So here we go, its New Years Eve, December 31st 2010 and I am thinking about all my new years' resolutions. Well actually, I'm thinking of the same one I have been thinking about for years - this year I will resolve to loose weight, gain life and get skinny! This year is the Year of the Skinny Bitch - get fabulous or die trying.

So if you have just tuned in, here is the recap. I'm fat. Not the "do I look fat in these size 10 skinny jeans fat?" - the other kind, the kind that plays with your head, the kind that makes your feel inadequate not matter how much you achieve in life, the kind that lets other people judge you as a failure without even knowing you,the kind that lets other people feel superior to you even though I am 'this' close to being Mother friggin Teresa like and they are Martin Bryant like.
The kind of fat that makes me uncomfortable in my skin and that has helped me develop an "awesome personality".

Starting to write a blog about a weight loss journey is like a Pandora's box - I'm not quite sure what my chubby little fingers will tap out, what feelings will emerge, what will spill out on the page? I just hope that it documents the reality of fat to fabulous and that it helps me work through some of the issues I'm facing. If it helps anyone else along the way then that's great too [pretends its not all about me for a minute ].

Ok so back to the recap - I've always been fat, since I was about 4 I think. A combination of European parents, a love of white bread, a TV as a babysitter, genetics. My first memory of being fat was in about grade 3 when the teacher weighed us all then put our weights on cards on the wall - my card was above everyone elses - I was top of the list, yey me right? Then the next day I came to class to find that as high as my little card was up on that school room wall, some little bastard had risked life and limb to climb up there and write "fat pig" next to my weight.

I was devo.

I told mum and we went to weight watchers and it was there my life of yoyo dieting began - I was 8. (40kg)

Through my teen years I was blessed with good friends, a pretty face, some academic ability and likability, so my fatness got smaller and my personality got bigger. It was always an issue but somehow I managed to be happy. ( 70kg )

In my Uni years it got a bit harder - I became friends with alcohol and that did nothing for my waist line. ( Hmm 100kg )

After Uni I went overseas and got skinny - dancing for 3 days in clubs in Ibiza and having no money to buy food in London because all my money went on clothes and drink - yes I got skinny. Well - perhaps not 'skinny' but I wasn't noticeably fat. I looked good ( but was mostly hung over for my 20's). ( 60kg )

When I started work the kg's slowly crept back on - old habbits die hard and I wasn't a fan of exercise or outdoor activities. I likes movies and dinner and reading and studying and bars and picnics ( 85kg)

When I was about 30 ( I'm 38 now ) I had an epiphany, I stopped partying, got serious lost some weight with the help of some prescribed drugs and herbalife! (70kg)

I also had a tummy tuck, a full on abdominoplasty. I remember the Dr saying I was crazy, that most people that have this major operation done before kids put the weight back on. Pfft what did he know, that was NOT going to happen to me!! After the op I was ( 67kg ) and fabulous - for about 6 months.

I fell in love with the most wonderful man in my early 30's and love made me fat. My hubby would and does to this day, tell me I'm beautiful and wonderful and perfect as I am - what a bastard huh! I call him a chubby chaser, a fat enabler... he just thinks I'm cute.

At 35 I had my first baby and at 37 my second ( 7 and half months ago ) - more about them and their effects on my body later but the end result was that after the birth of my 2nd child things south of my chin were not looking great!

In October 2011 I joined the Michelle Bridges Huggies 12WBT - I weighed in at a 92kg.
By the end of the challenge I was only 8kg lighter BUT my whole world had changed.

By the end of the challenge I was a runner, I was training 6 days per week, I was wearing lycra to do said training. I was actually enjoying it. I was conscious of what I put into my mouth and I had found a little online community that I enjoyed reading because I knew there were other people out there just like me trying bloody hard to make this transformation work.

My 1st round was FAR from perfect - I couldn't get under 85 for 5 weeks, I was breastfeeding 100%, I had two trips away in that time and I got sick in the last 2-3 weeks. I also didn't fully engage with all the challenges - but I learned enough to know that I don't want to give up on me and that I want to make 2012 the year I reach my full potential too.

I'm about to embark on a 2nd round of the Huggies 12WBT! More than that, I'm about to embark on 2012 The Year of the Skinny Bitch!

I have 16kg to loose to get to a healthy BMI. So that is my goal. Loose 16kg and be fabulous all the way there - then stay there.

Welcome to my journey - when I press PUBLISH it becomes real for me and hopefully for whoever has read this very long post.

Vx

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