Sorry. I haven't been blogging, I've been too busy eating.
The past 2 weeks have been about serious self sabotage and I've been fully conscious of it.
You might recall I had a massive battle with the number 85. I won, and got to 83.5 by end of last round, then for the past few weeks I have been playing that up and down game - I made it through Xmas and got back up to 85 then quickly shrunk it back to 83.5 then feeling smug, ate my way back to 84 - then feeling really smug ( and having the excuse of sore knees ) I stopped exercising. Having said that, I also ate a lot less and then something happened - I was 83!!
This should have been celebrated.
This should have been motivating.
Instead, I took it as a licence to go crazy - so for the past 4 days, knowing Pre Season starts today, knowing my Booty Camp regime starts today, knowing I have no more excuses after today, I ate everything I could and when I was full I ate some more.
I felt like the very hungry caterpillar - on Monday I ate through a box of chocolates, on Tuesday I ate a loaf of white bread, on Wednesday I ate half a cow.... I even ate chips as I leafed through my brand new Crunch Time cook book that arrived at my doorstep!
Why did I do this? Why? Why did I set out to do this much damage to myself?
I think finding the answer to that will be a key for me this round of 12WBT.
Yesterday I cleaned out my fridge and cupboards, planned our weekly meals and snacks and went shopping. If you didn't look too hard at me, I'd look pretty much ready to go. Inside however I'm still feeling like a bit of a fraud - I'm not quite ALL IN but I'm going to fake it until I make it and hope that the pre season tasks will help!
Preseason started today, I woke up at 6am - had glass of hot water and lemon, got dressed and went to my Booty Boxing class ( forgot my heart rate monitor damn it ) I sweated like a... crazy sweating person.
Came home, got the kids sorted for the day - had a little coffee ( LOVE YOU GEORGE CLOONEY) read Michelle's first email and ate my half cup muesli! I am about to enter it all into MyFitnessPal, have a drink of water and get on with my day feeling like I have left the past few days behind.
[ runs away from computer, stips clothes off to nude and jumps on scales ]
I just went to weigh myself for my official Preseason - 83.5kg which means 16.5 to goal weight.
I'm shocked its not 85.
I WILL NEVER SEE 85 again. ( sorry for the caps, I had typed 'I hope I never see85kg again' but changed my mind! )
If I can hit 80kg by kick off in 4 weeks then I will be a happy 'soon to be skinny bitch' - that would mean about 12kg for the round and my goal weight - which is something I cant fathom right now.
[ running too far ahead of myself ]